Contact Us

Breaking News

Middle-class man blessed with ability to communicate with tradesmen
Posted 10 hours 38 minutes ago
A WELL-TO-DO man has amazed friends by being able to communicate with his builders as easily as if they were from his own social class.


Six things you can do today that will make f**k all difference to climate change
Posted 11 hours 34 minutes ago
CHINA’S burning coal faster than its children can sew on sequins, Bitcoin’s gobbling up electricity faster than a fan heater in a damp bedsit, and the bloke up the road’s just bought a three-litre BMW SUV.


BBC unveils post-Brexit Top Gear line-up
Posted 12 hours 3 minutes ago
THE BBC has revealed its post-Brexit Top Gear presenters chosen deliberately to horrify and alienate viewers around the world.


Are you Banksy?
Posted 13 hours 2 minutes ago
IN today’s busy, modern world it can be hard to tell if you're just an average working stiff or if you are, in fact, the elusive graffiti artist known as Banksy. Take our test to find out…


We were actually far more liberal than he is, says Victorian ghost child about Jacob Rees-Mogg
Posted 13 hours 50 minutes ago
THE ghost of a Victorian child has distanced herself and her era from the cruel policies of Jacob Rees-Mogg.


10 great English proverbs that are obviously bollocks
Posted 1 day 12 hours 41 minutes ago
All’s fair in love and war Not if you come home to find your partner ensconced in a vigorous ’69’ with someone you regarded as a chum.


Record-breaking dog turd ruins day of 18 people
Posted 2 days 12 hours 22 minutes ago
A SINGLE dog turd has outmatched all predecessors by ruining the days of 18 different people.


Man starts another pointless f**king project
Posted 2 days 12 hours 57 minutes ago
A MAN has started another stupid fucking waste of time, he has confirmed.


People moaning on about Christmas stuff in shops getting earlier every year
Posted 3 days 9 hours 58 minutes ago
THE annual festival of whinging about premature displays of Christmas goods in shops is getting earlier every year, it has been confirmed.


Office workers enjoy stressful, breakneck Friday lunch in pub
Posted 3 days 10 hours 45 minutes ago
A GROUP of office workers spent 50 minutes anxiously waiting for a pub lunch then wolfed it down in 10 as their Friday 'treat'.


If I move down any more I’ll practically be shagging someone, says man on Tube
Posted 3 days 11 hours 12 minutes ago
A MAN asked to 'move down' a packed tube carriage has pointed out there was nowhere for him to go without becoming extremely intimate with other people.


Your guide to dealing with the aftermath of a one-night stand
Posted 3 days 12 hours 12 minutes ago
ONE-NIGHT stands can be tricky. Should you sneak off like a criminal before they wake up or sit down for a full English with their parents? Our handy guide will help.


Would your partner rather go out with their phone than you?
Posted 3 days 12 hours 54 minutes ago
EVERYONE loves their smartphone, but are you concerned your partner would rather have a relationship with it than you? Take our quiz and find out.


Boy racer on 814th consecutive night of driving around pointlessly
Posted 3 days 13 hours 29 minutes ago
A YOUNG driver has spent every night for well over two years driving around aimlessly in his crappy car.


Man still longing to drive car he drew when he was eight
Posted 4 days 9 hours 58 minutes ago
A MAN has admitted he secretly wishes he could drive the outlandish car he drew when he was eight.


Not being able to remember colleague’s name reaching crisis point
Posted 4 days 10 hours 58 minutes ago
A MAN who has been addressing a colleague as ‘Hi!’ for the last three years has acknowledged it is too late to find out her name.


It is the year 2137. Brexit has still not happened. Theresa May is still prime minister
Posted 4 days 11 hours 40 minutes ago
MORE than a century into the future, the UK is still waiting for the EU to come up with a creative solution to the Northern Ireland border.


‘Suggestion noted’ thinks cyclist approaching red light
Posted 4 days 12 hours 28 minutes ago
A CYCLIST approaching a busy city crossing decided to regard a red light as advice to bear in mind rather than an order to stop.


40-year-old man has not forgiven mum for chucking out Tracy Island
Posted 4 days 13 hours ago
A MAN who painstakingly built a Thunderbirds Tracy Island is still pissed off with his mum for dumping it during a ‘clear out’ three years ago.


Is your sex problem middle class enough for the Guardian?
Posted 4 days 13 hours 31 minutes ago
ARE you thinking about writing to the Guardian with a sexual problem but are worried it’s not middle-class enough? Read our guide.