February Listings

What's on in February!
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Six Nations!

Six Nations at The Bank Tavern
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Breaking News

‘Not all millennials are unbearable arseholes’ claims unbearable millennial arsehole
Posted 2 hours 30 minutes ago
NOT all millennials are dreadful arseholes, one of them has insisted.


Rees-Mogg to turn back into puppet if he tells one more lie
Posted 2 hours 54 minutes ago
JACOB Rees-Mogg has been warned that if he tells another lie he will turn back into a little wooden puppet.


Starving KFC diners searching for anywhere else that serves food in a bucket
Posted 4 hours 49 minutes ago
HORDES of starving KFC regulars are searching for any other food outlet that will serve them meals in a bucket.


Dog feeling insecure after being dressed in little jacket
Posted 4 hours 59 minutes ago
A DOG that has been dressed in a quilted jacket is out in the park feeling really unsure of himself.


Man who says he’s not ‘into relationships’ not being offered any
Posted 5 hours 15 minutes ago
A MAN who is constantly telling people that he ‘doesn’t do relationships’ has not actually been offered one in years, it has been revealed.


‘So it is actually chicken?’ ask KFC customers
Posted 6 hours 30 minutes ago
LOYAL KFC customers have been intrigued to discover the beige blobs they were eating were actually chicken.


Five creative ways to make someone else’s life event all about you 

Posted 1 day 2 hours 12 minutes ago
Something great has happened in someone else’s life. This obviously cannot do, as it means the attention won’t be on you for a couple of days, maybe longer if they really milk it.  


Parents genuinely terrified by child’s latest finger paintings
Posted 1 day 2 hours 28 minutes ago
A MOTHER and father are being tormented by the bone-chilling artwork created by their youngest child.


Corbyn ‘was the baddie in 1970s Bond movie’
Posted 1 day 3 hours 6 minutes ago
JEREMY Corbyn was the main baddie in a Roger Moore-era James Bond film, it has been revealed. 


Job candidates to be told how many twats work at the company
Posted 1 day 3 hours 37 minutes ago
BEFORE  they commit to a job prospective employees will be told how many twats work in the office.


Brexit ‘won’t be like Mad Max’ says Davis, in obvious sign that it will be
Posted 1 day 4 hours 8 minutes ago
DAVID Davis has insisted that Brexit will not be a 'Mad Max dystopia' in the clearest sign yet that it will be exactly that.  


Man still hoping to give up not having sex for Lent
Posted 1 day 5 hours 30 minutes ago
A MAN has confirmed that he is still hoping to give up not having sex with anyone for Lent.


Unmarried middle-class man insists on calling partner ‘the missus’
Posted 2 days 2 hours 14 minutes ago
A PRIVATELY educated lawyer keeps referring to his partner as ‘the missus’ as if he were a Cockney cab driver.


Northerner abroad convinced he doesn’t count as English
Posted 2 days 2 hours 42 minutes ago
A NORTHERN man on holiday thinks that ill feeling about the English does not apply to him


BAFTAs completely f**k up by not giving everything to Paddington 2
Posted 2 days 3 hours 37 minutes ago
THE Baftas have rendered themselves invalid by failing to give every possible award to the best film ever made, Paddington 2. 


May gives speech about what she would do if she was prime minister
Posted 2 days 4 hours 6 minutes ago
THERESA May will today give a keynote speech outlining what she would do about something if she was the prime minister of Britain.


Man who has never given to charity thinks Oxfam scandal proves he was right to be such a tight arse
Posted 2 days 5 hours 3 minutes ago
A MAN who has never donated money to charity has been proven right by the Oxfam sex scandal, he has confirmed.


Are you wasting your life with paranormal bullshit?
Posted 2 days 5 hours 17 minutes ago
You hear noises in your home late at night. What do you do?


Men in public toilet only washing hands because someone’s looking
Posted 3 days 4 hours 10 minutes ago
TWO men in a public toilet have each had to make a big display of washing their hands just because there was someone else there.


People who say ‘there’s no such thing as bad weather just bad clothing’ wrong
Posted 4 days 4 hours 56 minutes ago
EXPENSIVE technical wear has turned mild-mannered ramblers into delusional maniacs unable to tell the difference between good and bad, it has been confirmed.