May Listings

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Breaking News

‘My only consolation is that whoever follows me will be far worse’
Posted 14 hours 46 minutes ago
A GREAT many unkind things have been said about me since my resignation on Friday. I have been called dishonest, ill-prepared, deluded and hopeless.

 

Now do Corbyn, says Britain
Posted 14 hours 46 minutes ago
THE British public has welcomed the long overdue resignation of Theresa May and asked Jeremy Corbyn to hand his in next.

 

Wife who agreed to share bottle of wine only drinks one glass again
Posted 1 day 10 hours 2 minutes ago
A WIFE who keeps agreeing to share a whole bottle of wine with her husband has only had one glass again, it has been confirmed.

 

Morning airport drinking somehow consequence-free, reckon blokes
Posted 1 day 10 hours 47 minutes ago
MEN believe that drinking beer at any time of day is harmless so long as it is carried out within an airport departure lounge.

 

May to be remembered as Poundland Thatcher who accomplished jack sh*t
Posted 1 day 11 hours 37 minutes ago
THERESA May will forever be remembered as a knock-off Margaret Thatcher who wasted three years fucking about with bullshit, commentators believe.

 

Six ways to be superior when showing people your vinyl collection
Posted 1 day 11 hours 59 minutes ago
WHAT is showing someone your record collection except a chance to prove you’re better than them? Here are some ways to really be a wanker about it.

 

Britain demands oaf
Posted 1 day 12 hours 28 minutes ago
BORIS Johnson will become Prime Minister because he seems funny, it has been claimed.

 

Couple who went to New York making sure everyone knows they stayed in Brooklyn
Posted 1 day 12 hours 46 minutes ago
A COUPLE who went on holiday to New York are making sure everyone knows they stayed in the ‘coolest’ area, Brooklyn.

 

How to be incredibly annoying at work
Posted 1 day 13 hours 32 minutes ago
DO you like pissing off colleagues with your incredibly annoying personal habits? Here are some great ones to try - if you haven’t already!

 

Middle class men ‘still have no idea why they try to impress working class men’
Posted 2 days 10 hours 4 minutes ago
MIDDLE class men still cannot explain their pathetic urge to try to impress working class men they meet.

 

Five shit endings that still would have been better than the Game of Thrones finale
Posted 2 days 11 hours 31 minutes ago
GAME of Thrones fans’ disappointment shows no sign of abating, so here are five terrible endings that are still better than what actually happened.

 

Vote for whoever you like, it doesn’t matter and nobody gives a toss, experts advise
Posted 2 days 12 hours 17 minutes ago
EXPERTS have advised that if there was ever an election where voters could throw caution to the wind and go hogwild, this is the one.

 

Couple’s date in diary for sex getting dangerously close
Posted 2 days 12 hours 36 minutes ago
A BUSY couple who put a date in their diary to ensure they have sex are becoming increasingly panicked as it draws closer.

 

Are you a ‘radicalised Remainer’ or do you just think Farage is a tw*t?
Posted 2 days 13 hours ago
HAS voting to remain in the EU somehow turned you into a traitorous, UK-hating fundamentalist, or do you just hate Nigel Farage? Here’s how to tell.

 

Young people to have arses kicked all the way to polling stations
Posted 2 days 13 hours 8 minutes ago
SQUADS of arse-kickers are to be deployed to ensure the under-25s bother to vote.

 

Brexiters excited to vote on thing they know jack shit about again
Posted 2 days 13 hours 30 minutes ago
LEAVE voters have confirmed they will be turning out in large numbers to vote on a thing they do not have a clue about.

 

Tory MPs begin search for vaguely competent bastard
Posted 3 days 4 hours 7 minutes ago
CONSERVATIVE MPs are hoping to replace Theresa May with someone who is just as cynical and nasty but not really bad at absolutely everything.  

 

Arsehole actually writes on gift bag label
Posted 3 days 10 hours 1 minute ago
A FRIEND has actually written a personal message on the gift bag containing her pal’s birthday present, confirming herself to be a a total arsehole.

 

Anything that touches Theresa May’s new Brexit plan will die, doctors warn
Posted 3 days 10 hours 46 minutes ago
DOCTORS have confirmed that the prime minister’s new Brexit plan is so extravagantly toxic that any living thing that touches it will die.

 

Are you suffering from imposter syndrome or are you genuinely shit?
Posted 3 days 11 hours 27 minutes ago
DO YOU feel like you’ve fluked your way into your current position, aren’t up to it, and are terrified of being found out?

 

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